Sign up for the newsletter and get the free video series (plus a PDF) delivered to your email.

Getting a girl to open up to you emotionally can be one of the most difficult things to achieve and once she does open up to you, there’s a good chance that you will regret it.

Some girls don’t like opening up to guys that they have been in a long term relationship with, let alone a new relationship, keep this in mind and don’t take it personally.

Getting Her To Open Up – Cold Approach

Off the cold approach I’ve tried so many different ways to get a girl to open up and it have rarely worked. The classic is the girl who looks sad or troubled and you open with ”are you okay?” or ”let me cheer you up” or a multitude of other variations of that. From my lengthy experience, this strategy has not worked very well.

There are many variations on this strategy, like mid way through the interaction (meat of the conversation) identifying that she looks stressed for whatever reason and trying to get her to open up.

But, from my experience if she won’t open up willingly, trying to open her up will most probably backfire. So, if she doesn’t want to open up, it’s best to just ignore it and move on with the interaction.

Getting Her To Open Up – Girlfriend

Be careful what you wish for, I’ll be brutally honest with you guys on this one. Usually when you are in the early stages of a relationship, the first date or even off the cold approach, it makes sense to get her to open up.

Because you are trying to build an emotional connection to her and to lock her in as a girlfriend. Let’s be real, in the early stages of a relationship there’s an agenda.

But….

As I said before ”be careful what you wish for” I’ve dated some girls who were extremely neurotic, they opened up to me a little too much, if you know what I mean.

Most men, not all of course, but most, get exhausted constantly dealing with emotional drama. If you are the type of guy who does not have the stamina to deal with your girlfriends constant fluctuations in mood, then you probably should avoid getting her to open up. Maybe you should discourage it.

Does Getting Your Girlfriend To Open Up Lock Her In?

I’d argue that getting your girlfriend to open up to you, will not bring you guys closer together, nor will it make her want to stay with and never leave you. In this situation, you are better off encouraging her to open up to her girlfriends instead of you.

She will take it for granted, she will not give you extra brownie points for being a shoulder to cry on, or someone to console her in a time of emotional need.

She may subconsciously associate bad emotions with you over time. If you encourage her to open up to you whenever she feels down, then she may start to feel those same emotions whenever she sees you. Now that’s a recipe for a breakup if I’ve ever heard of one.

She’ll Open Up When She’s Ready

Main stream media and modern movies have all taught us that men are usually the closed off gender, but women can be just as closed off. Maybe she has been alone for such a long time that she just doesn’t have the ability to open up to anyone.

What ever the reason for her closed off nature, one thing I’m quite sure of, is that forcing her to open up when she’s no ready can have an adverse reaction and make her never feel like opening up to you in the future.

Be An Active Listener

When she talks, just listen intently, show her that you listening carefully by asking good questions. Nod, eye contact and lean forward. If you can listen actively, she will gain trust in you enough to open up more and more.

Don’t Solve Her Problems, Just Empathise

As men, we love to just solve problems fast, then get on with our lives. Women on the other hand like to just express their feelings and feel heard and understood by others.

When you jump in to solve her problems, she may think that you are only solving the problem so that you don’t have to actually listen to her anymore. This also makes her feel that you don’t really care and that’s not going to get her to open up.

Reasons Why She May Not Open Up To You

• Scared you’ll judge her
• Fear of abandonment
• Previous bad experiences
• Used to bottling up her feelings
• Childhood trauma
• She thinks that she doesn’t deserve you
• She might not have anything constructive to say, due to a lack of practice opening up to people

It’s important that you don’t make this all about you. If your main goal to get her to open up, is purely for your own emotional needs, then it’s time for a mindset change.

When one person in a relationship feels unloved due to the other person not opening up, this can cause long term problems and resentment. It may be difficult to do, but if you have a girlfriend who is reserved and won’t open up to you, trust me, this may be a blessing in disguise.

Don’t Be Judgemental

She may avoid opening up to you because of a fear you may judge her, you can show her that you are not the judgemental type by telling her something that you may not be so proud of that you did in the past.

Sure, you don’t want to cross the line and say something that could result in her judging you, so keep it tame. By opening up first, she’ll feel safer when she opens up to you in return.

Here are some of my best posts:

• Cold approach is a lifestyle (My Philosphy)
• What is indirect daygame
• What I say to Girls (Logistics)
• How to Write a PickUp field report
• How to spot a fake dating coach
• How I got laid in Japan (epic post)
• Why Thailand is NO longer good for getting laid

If you want to learn more about the sweet art of cold approach, Enquire here, join my group, where I’ll have a chat to you before entering. Get my free video series and finally, if you are adventurous, try my 30 day challenge.